Hey You,
It's been to long since I last wrote.
I do apologize. I've missed you immensely.
I'm carving out this writing time from now on. I need it.
Life is.... there are no words really. Life is what it is right now. Its up, down, upside-down, sideways, ass backwards, and every where in between.
The struggle is real but so are the victories.
I was asked yesterday, how to stay level or even borderline happy with all of the uphill battles.
My only advice, and something I cling to for dear life, is to find the light in-between moments that present themselves.
Let me give you an example. My youngest was EXTRA yesterday. Extra overwhelmed and extra understimulated. It was intense to say the very least.
I was trying to be patient. Speaking softly and slowly. Being unreactive. And in a heated moment I went outside to my patio, sat in my chair, and contemplated which God I had pissed off and how long the punishment would last.
Eventually she followed me outside. As soon as I heard the screen door open I took in a long deep breath. She plopped down next to me and handed me a crochet kit she had bought with her allowance. Her little eyebrows pointy and angry. I took the kit and said, "Alright, lets do this." Mind you no part of me was ready. But I had this epiphany and within seconds she confirmed it.
She looked at me. Her faced softened a bit and she said, "Mom, I'm really sorry for acting like that. I just want your attention."
I forgave her and then I took a second to hug her and thank her. I looked in her enormous brown eyes, smiled, and said, "Thank you so much for taking the time to pause and to let me know what you need."
We proceeded to work on her project.
Kids speak in actions when they can't find the words to express themselves, and hopefully someone is there to teach them gradually how to shift from actions to words.
That's what I've been practicing with her. She is learning to take a minute to pause, ask why she feels the way she feels or why shes doing what shes doing, and then comes to me to let me know.
Its my job to be non-reactive and respond. It's such a simple concept and with practice she's getting it.
Is it easy? Ummmmm...no. Communication is a skill. Skills take time sometimes. But, its my job, as a parent who wants my children to feel loved unconditionally.
And she did it! She paused. Told me what she needed. It was a wonderful moment for both of us!
All this to say, even in the most difficult times. I hold onto the victories no matter how small. That is what gets me to other moments.
That and my significantly quick witt and dark humor.
Hehe. I hope you count all your victories. Know that I believe in you!
All my love,
Amber
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