For you I am grateful.....

Hey You,

How are you? I hope you are doing fantastic.

I'm feeling it today. That void in me is gnawing at me. 

Sometimes when this darkness takes hold it's hard to not see myself as a mistake. 

Like I was not supposed to be here, but here I am, the after effects of an emotionally abandoned child. 

Now the adult fights to feel some semblance of acceptance and belonging. The void can be filled superficially, but can it be healed? Or do I just have to get stronger to carry it around like it's nothing?

This void is hungry. And all I can do is be mindful of my actions. Fortunately, and unfortunately, I'm awake and aware enough to know vices are a no no. Things can distract and give the appearnce of peace but once you become reliant you are it's slave, and I bow to no one. 

This feeling is like continously being pummeled by wave after wave. I'm in the currents grip and I just have to breathe, breathe and keep moving. 

Gratitude helps, when I can see past the waves. The trick is to start the gratitude even when I can't feel it. Yes, it feels like lying to myself, but at some point of being consistent with it, it feels less like lying and more like I'm reasoning with myself. 

Time to begin again. Today I am grateful for you.

Thanks for listening. 

All my love,

Amber