Hey You,
How are you? I missed you so I thought I'd write.
Fall is falling here. I love the trees with their fire red leaves and the little pops of yellow everywhere. Like fireworks.
I worked at a comicon this weekend. It was fun watching people light up over fandoms.
I was in the artist alley selling my Amigurumi. I think the best part is watching people light up over the critters I make. Makes me want to spread that warmth even more. I wish I could give it away, unfortunately I can't live off of just sunshine and water. I gotta eat. And pay rent. Fucking capitalism. Lol.
It helped to keep my mind busy. Two years ago, at the same Comicon, I was on a walk to a coffee shop and was chased by a guy with a knife. It's not my first encounter of this nature and I was able to get away safely but my body remembers it. I faced fears going back. But I did it.
The first day was the hardest, a lot of reminding myself where I was, what I was doing, how it was different, focusing on my breathing and parts of the body that held tension.
The second day was better. It was made even better when a return customer came to see me and let me know she had taken the water element goat I made to the ocean with her. I miss the ocean so damn bad. This SoCal baby needs their waves.
Anyway, you must think I'm crazy to push myself to the limit. Why risk the trigger? Because I want to be free. I don't want to bow to fear. I want to find a way to accept the fear of pain and keep moving forward.
I've watched many people in my life abandon living fully because of the risk of feeling any type of pain. I wholeheatedly, with every fiber of my chaotic exsistence, refuse to live that way.
It starts with baby steps and I believe everyone can do it.
I hope you do something that scares you today. You can do it! I believe in you.
When you do, celebrate! Get those synapses wired differently.
All my love,
Amber
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