For your Inner Dialog....

Hey You,

How was your day? I thought I'd check in. I have a bit to say. 

Anxiety has a weird way of making me vigilant. Hypervigilant if you want to get wordy like I do. Hehe.

And fuck, my inner dialog doesn't help. Something I'm working on. But like all things it takes practice.

It's constant, this practice of challenging the inner dialog. And it can be tricky, and when you're least expecting it hits like a ton of bricks.

In case I haven't explained, the inner dialog is the cataclysmic backlog of things you observed as a child in your most formative years. It forms the baseline of your thoughts about yourself and how you interpret the world. Mine comes with a host of traumas attached to them. 

So, when the inner dialog takes off, my hypervigilance takes off as well. Hypervigilance is my body and mind analyzing everything in my environment, including myself to find the most safest way to stay alive and well.

Unfortunately, my self worth gets tied into it and the spiral begins.

And once that spiral into void begins... its a mad dash to start challenging and reframing that inner dialog.

I don't always catch it in time. But I always take up the challenge no matter how long it takes to get through the debris of anxiety. 

 I dont care how often, if it takes me all day, I'm always down for it, because in order to build new synaps I gotta. 

I have this crazy cheesy thing, it's called hope.

I wanna know what it's like to think differently. It takes practice, especially for us survivors. Bit I believe in us. We've made it this far. 

Being alive means I survived. 

Thats my catalyst for living, if I made it this far, I must keep going and create. 

Will you take up your own challenge? I hope so. You're definitely worth it. 

Anyway, its anime time. Time for some much needed zoning out. Bungo Stray Dogs time to be precise. Hehe.

All my love,

Amber