It's been awhile since I've posted my musings. I've been striving...striving...and striving. Searching for something. A feeling, a new way to experience life. I've been crazy bored, to put it bluntly.
It's getting me nowhere. It wasn't until a plan of mine I had in the works fell through that what I truly wanted came to light.
I want balance. A steady ground to stand on where all dreams take root. A place that is a foundation where peace and grief can coexist. And I've known what I needed to do for sometime, but I fought that knowledge with tooth and nail. My ego so badly wanted to continue the pattern of avoidance and it became a monster of its own, distracting me from the here and throwing me into future possibilities.
Trying to escape. Escape the foundation I needed to continue to build upon.
So, I'm pulling some of my energy back and mending. Living here, in this present. Accepting the here and now, becoming familiar with it, being grateful for it and building within it a time for stillness to feel what needs feeling and acceptance.
The hurtle has been not having been taught how to be still, but it is with practice and consistency that it will become a new building block for me.
And on that note, I'm relieved. Relieved that I'm just here in this moment, in my apartment, nothing is happening, just having iced coffee. I'm glad to be here, in this moment.
It's getting me nowhere. It wasn't until a plan of mine I had in the works fell through that what I truly wanted came to light.
I want balance. A steady ground to stand on where all dreams take root. A place that is a foundation where peace and grief can coexist. And I've known what I needed to do for sometime, but I fought that knowledge with tooth and nail. My ego so badly wanted to continue the pattern of avoidance and it became a monster of its own, distracting me from the here and throwing me into future possibilities.
Trying to escape. Escape the foundation I needed to continue to build upon.
So, I'm pulling some of my energy back and mending. Living here, in this present. Accepting the here and now, becoming familiar with it, being grateful for it and building within it a time for stillness to feel what needs feeling and acceptance.
The hurtle has been not having been taught how to be still, but it is with practice and consistency that it will become a new building block for me.
And on that note, I'm relieved. Relieved that I'm just here in this moment, in my apartment, nothing is happening, just having iced coffee. I'm glad to be here, in this moment.
This moment is all there is.
Comments
Post a Comment