There are times in my healing process where I have a hard time staying in the present.
Mindfulness, if practiced daily helps.
Every once in a while the past sneaks up on me.
There's no real preventing an episode of PTSD when it hits. You manage it. And sometimes, it hits without warning. The environment around you can change quickly and you're struggling to stay focused. In my case I either become antsy, aggitated, or I freeze.
When antsy and aggitated, I have my mechanisms to keep me grounded. When I freeze, however, it's like walking through quicksand. I feel like I move slowly. People can talk to me and I literally can't hear them; making them repeat themselves several times. I'm get forgetful, foggy, and exhausted.
It's in these moments that mindfulness feels like mental marathon. I, however, will trudge through it to get my minute of mindfulness.
In that minute there's one thing that comforts me enough to get me back in alignment. It's the affirmation that while my body and mind have been afflicted by trauma, my soul, the center of source, the All that is, and forever will be, cannot be tainted by the scourge I've been through. The All remains, untouched, an energy that cannot be destroyed. While my mind has processed things that should have destroyed me, that flame within will burn eternally. Inside the wounds lies the truth of what I've been through, and underneath the scars is the all. I am that I am, and I always will be.
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